Six years ago I decided to visit the Carmanah Walbran park. I hadn’t been since I was a toddler with my family, this time I decided to go alone. It was January and after three hours of unfamiliar logging roads I was blocked by a fresh landslide. Walking the last few kms in added to my feeling of isolation and meant it was getting dark by the time I was in the park. Fresh cougar tracks crossed the beach where I set up camp. I didn’t sleep much that night out of fear. I packed up camp hours before first light choosing to walk instead of lying restlessly.

Since then I’ve spent close to a hundred nights winter camping in the Carmanah and Walbran valleys.  I haven’t been alone though and I still know I couldn’t repeat that trip and expect a different result.

My fear of isolation and the dark t is something to overcome in slow steps. I started Wednesday hiking down to bear beach alone by starlight. There were a few bear poops on the way down, which were enough to get my mind going sideways.  When I got to the beach however there were people already camping. I set up further down the beach but the open starry night and the smell of their campfires were to comforting for me to feel alone. I guess it’s still a small step.